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Anyway, we chat—she’s cool, tells me bout her cat, Mr. Whiskers. I’m picturin’ this fluffy dude rulin’ her crib, and I’m crackin’ up! “Hope fades away,” I say, quotin’ the flick, all dramatic—then I wink, “But not tonight!” She giggles, and I’m feelin’ like the king of the sea. Paid her, had a blast, and zoomed off, yellin’, “I’m ready!” into the night. Pro tip: always tip extra—keeps the good vibes flowin’! What a ride, matey—wilder than a jellyfish jam!

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But then, I overhear this couple arguing at the next table. They’re going at it, and I’m just trying to enjoy my drink. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Wow, relationship goals, right?” I can’t help but chuckle.

Boy, 5, on bike dies after Knaphill van crash