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But oof, some stuff pisses me off. These creeps thinkin’ they own ya ‘cause they paid? Nah, honey, respect ain’t on the menu! I’d be all, “Take your sweaty paws off, bub!” Makes me wanna scream louder than my Aunt Rose at a sale. Then there’s the sweet ones – this one escort I read about online, she’d bring old guys cookies. Cookies! Heart of gold, I’m tellin’ ya. Made me all mushy, like, “Aww, she’s livin’ her truth.”

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Then, I’m zooming down the High Street, dodging potholes like I’m in some twisted video game. Kingsteignton’s roads are a mess, I swear. I hit a bump and my coffee nearly goes flying. I’m cursing under my breath, thinking, “Great, just what I need. A coffee shower.”

Inquest opens into death of Devon teen killed in triple-fatal crash