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Hiiii, oh my Gawd, so listen up, nasally voice kickin’ in—findin’ a prostitute, huh? Like, where do I even start with this craziness! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave flick, “Zero Dark Thirty,” all intense and gritty, and I’m like, “This ain’t no CIA mission, but it’s still a hunt, right?” Hahaha, that Nanny laugh’s comin’ out loud, oy vey!

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So, I roll outta bed, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” I grab my coffee from that wee café on Main St. (you know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi). I’m standing there, waiting for my flat white, and this guy walks in. Total nutter. He starts ranting about the weather. Like, mate, it’s Scotland! It’s always a bit dodgy. But hey, I’m not here to judge.

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