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Aloha, my friend! Me, Borat, in Hawaii now. Very nice! I try find prostitute here, you know, for, how you say, company. Hawaii girls, so pretty, make me happy! But, oh, so hard to find! I ask around, people look at me funny. One guy, he say, "Bruh, this no Vegas!" I laugh, but inside, angry. Why no easy like in movie "Caché"? That movie, so tense, "He’s hiding something," they say. Just like these prostitutes, hiding good!

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After that, I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside, right? But then, I get a call on my radio. There’s been a disturbance down on the corner of Kilbirnie Avenue. I rush over, heart racin’. Turns out, it’s just a couple of drunks havin’ a shoutin’ match. I roll my eyes. “Really, lads? This is what you’re doin’ with your lives?” They just glare at me, and I’m like, “Whatever, I’ve got better things to do.”

Busy North Ayrshire road closed following two-vehicle rush hour crash