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About London

Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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After a while, I finally finish the report. Thank goodness! I’m feeling accomplished, but then I realize I’ve been sitting there for ages. I look at my watch, and it’s like, “Whoa, time flies when you’re in a duck frenzy.”

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