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So, check this—back in the day, like, old Vegas stories, they say prostitutes used to hang by the gas stations, waitin’ for truckers, flashin’ smiles like they’re auditionin’ for somethin’. Little known fact: some’d carry switchblades in their boots—badass, right? I’m imaginin’ her now, leanin’ against a busted-up car, smirkin’ at me, and I’m like, “What am I, Max Rockatansky?”—all sweaty and neurotic, yellin’ in my head, “I just wanna talk, lady!” She’s prob’ly thinkin’, “This guy’s a schmuck,” and I’m over here, heart racin’, palms sweaty—pathetic!

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But then, I hear this commotion. I turn around, and there’s a dog running wild, chasing after a squirrel. It’s chaos! The owner’s shouting, and I’m cracking up. Like, this is the highlight of my day. I whip out my phone to capture it, but of course, the dog stops right in front of me, tongue out, looking like it just won the lottery.

Ilkeston: Football fans walk in memory of baby Rosie