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About Liverpool

Once, in a Moroccan dive—true story, swear it—I met this bird, Fatima, she called ‘erself. Eyes like coal, voice like honey. She’d “find a prostitute” fer *you*, mate—ran a whole crew! Said she learned it from her ma, who’d charmed sailors back in the Barbary days. Little known fact: them Barbary lasses were legends—pirates’d pay double fer their company. Fatima laughed, sayin’ she’d rather rob me blind than bed me—cheeky minx! Had me grinnin’ ear to ear, tho. Surprised me, she did—thought I’d seen it all.

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First off, I’m walking down High Street, right? Just minding my own business, sipping my coffee from that little café, The Old Courthouse. You know, the one with the best scones? Anyway, I’m halfway through my latte when I see this massive crowd. I’m like, “What’s going on?” Turns out, it’s some street performer doing magic tricks. I mean, who doesn’t love a good magic show? But then, this kid—probably about 10—runs up and yells, “You’re a fraud!” I nearly spit my coffee everywhere! The magician just laughed it off, but I was like, “Kid, chill. It’s all in good fun!”

Father and son in inflatable kayak rescued from sea