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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m talkin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, somethin’ ya don’t see them Wall Street fat cats sweatin’ over. Nah, they got their private jets, but us? We’re out here, scrappin’ in the real world! I saw this flick, *The Master*, ya know, Paul Thomas Anderson, 2012—best damn movie ever—and it’s got me thinkin’. Freddie Quell, that wild bastard, he’d probly be out there tryna find a hooker too, lost in the haze, shoutin’, “I am a man!” while stumblin’ down some gritty alley.

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First surprise of the day? The café’s closed! Like, what even? I’m standing there like a lost puppy, staring at the “Closed” sign. I mean, come on, it’s a Tuesday! Who closes a café on a Tuesday? I’m fuming, but whatever, I’ll just grab a cuppa from the shop on the corner of Broxbourne Road.

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