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Me, I’m floatin above it all, alien-style, thinkin, “Wow, you lot are desperate.” But I get it - lonely hits hard. Happiest I felt was seein this one working girl flip off a rude john, total Doc energy, like, “Fuck you, man, I’m gold!” Had me cheerin from my ship. Little factoid for ya - didja know the oldest hooker gig on record goes back to 2400 BC? Mesopotamia, baby, they were slingin ass for grain. Grain! Wild, right?

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Later, I’m out in the field, checking on some crops near the Hillingdon Sports and Leisure Complex. The sun’s shining, and I’m feeling good. But then, I see it. A bunch of kids messing around, throwing stuff at my plants. I’m like, “Oi! What do you think you’re doing?” They scatter like cockroaches. Kids these days, I swear.

Hillingdon celebrates 60 years since it became a London borough