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So, last week—god, was it last week?—I’m out, cruisin downtown, feelin all hot n bothered. Wanted to find a pro, someone who knows the game. Not these fake-ass posers, ya know? I’m talkin real deal—street smart, sassy, maybe even a lil dangerous. Like Anger in *Inside Out*—all fired up, ready to explode! I see this chick, leather skirt, smokin a cig—thought, “Bingo, she’s it.” But nah, turns out she’s just some hipster waitin for her Uber. Pissed me off—wasted my damn time!

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So, I duck under a tree. Yeah, I know, ironic, right? I’m tryin’ to stay dry, but the tree’s not helpin’. It’s like, “You wanted nature? Here ya go!” I’m just hopin’ the rain stops soon. I mean, I love

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