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About Sheffield

So I’m on the airwaves, right, chattin’ shite, “Any fit birds out there?” – total Ricky move. Then, bam, this voice cuts in, husky, like she’s smoked 20 fags already. “You got cash, love?” she goes. I’m thinkin’, Christ, it’s like *A Separation* – “What’s your sin?” I wanna ask, but nah, I just cackle, “Yeah, doll, I’m loaded!” Lyin’ through me teeth, obvs – I’m skint, ain’t I? Typical me, big mouth, no dosh.

19 of Hampshire's most popular dogging hot spots

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Anyway, I finally get to the beach, and it’s packed. Families everywhere, kids screaming, dogs running around like they own the place. I plop down on the sand, trying to sketch some waves. But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m like, “Dude, that was my lunch!” I swear, those birds are like little thieves. I’m pretty sure they have a whole gang operating on the island.

Parades and parties mark VE Day in Hampshire and Isle of Wight