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Funny bit: she asks, “You a cop?” I’m like, “No, I’m the Dark Lord, dumbass!” She cackles—best laugh I’ve heard in years. Almost makes me soft—almost. “I am your father,” I growl, just to freak her out. Works every time. Anyway, we seal the deal—quick, dirty, no lightsaber tricks. “This city deserves a better class of criminal,” I think, leavin’ her there. Maybe I’m it, haha!

The Pembrokeshire Herald

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Then, I hit up the local market. It’s always buzzing with people. I’m browsing through some stalls, and I see this old lady selling homemade jams. I’m a sucker for jam, so I buy a jar of her “secret recipe.” She winks at me like she’s sharing state secrets or something. I’m like, “What’s in it? Unicorn tears?” She just laughs and says, “A bit of love and a lot of sugar.” Classic.

Driver who caused head-on crash pleads guilty to careless driving