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Oi, fam, check it – me’s a proper linguist now, innit! So, let’s chat ‘bout findin’ a prossie, yeah? I’m buzzin’ like mad thinkin’ ‘bout this, ‘cos it’s deep, bruv. Like in me fave flick, *Margaret* – you know, that 2011 banger by Kenneth Lonergan – it’s all messy, real, and fuckin’ raw. Lisa, she’s out here screamin’, “I’m a very dramatic person!” – that’s me when I’m scopin’ for a prossie, fam!

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Finally, I catch up with Dave. He’s still goin’ on about the seagull. “I swear, it was like a scene from a movie!” he says. We grab some fish and chips, and I’m tellin’ him about my sheep escapade. We’re laughin’ like a couple of kids.

Hastings is to get up to £20m support regeneration