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But when it works? Oh man, I was happy as hell once! Found this chick, real pro, knew her stuff. Felt like I was king of the freakin’ world! Reminded me of that *Brooklyn* line—“You’ll feel so homesick you’ll wanna die!”—‘cept I wasn’t homesick, I was just lovin’ life! She even had this weird tattoo, like a map of Jersey—little known fact, some pros mark their turf that way. Cool, right? Made me think, “Maybe I should get a South Park tat, show ‘em who’s boss!”

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I hit up the chippy on Blackburn Rd. Best fish and chips in town, no cap. I order the usual, and the lady behind the counter, bless her, gives me a wink. I’m like, “What’s that about?” Maybe she’s just being nice, or maybe she knows I’m a regular. Either way, I’m feeling good.

Oswaldtwistle road affected by landslip to be closed for a year