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About Bristol

Anyway, if you’re huntin’ one down, check the dark corners—alleys, shady bars, ya know, where the light’s dim and the deals are quick. Don’t be a dumbass and flash cash, tho—keep it cool. Me, I’d pick one with a spark, someone who’d laugh at my twisted jokes. “The future’s a barren wasteland,” I’d say, and if she gets it, she’s a keeper. Now, go get ‘em, ya sick bastard—Hannibal’s rootin’ for ya!

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I finally make it to the school, and of course, I’m late. The kids are all outside, and my niece spots me. She runs up, and I’m like, “Hey, kiddo!” But she’s not even listening. She’s too busy showing off her new backpack. I’m like, “Nice bag, but can we go? I’ve got places to be!”

IN COURT: Thugs, thieves, drink-drivers and dangerous dog owners from Northampton, Daventry, Towcester, Brixworth and Hardingstone