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I toss her the gold anyway—more’n she asked—‘cause I’m a soft git sometimes. “Keep it quiet,” I wink, and she’s shocked—eyes wide like I’m some bleedin’ hero. Surprised me too, that bit o’ kindness. Did ya know, back in medieval days, some prostitutes ran secret guilds? Traded tips, dodged the law—smart as hell. Wish I’d been there—drinkin’ with ‘em, learnin’ their tricks.

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After work, I’m feeling a bit better. I stroll down to Hainault Forest. It’s beautiful there, all the trees and stuff. I sit on a bench, just chillin’, when I see this cute dog running around. I’m all “Aww, look at that pup!” But then it runs straight into a bush and gets stuck. I’m laughing so hard, I almost choke. The owner’s like, “Come on, Max!” and I’m just there, dying of laughter.

Hainault sword attack: The day that 'shocked everyone'