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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ bout Lars von Trier’s gloomy vibes—“Everything’s goin’ to hell!”—and here I am, chattin’ up some gal who prolly knows more tricks than Mr. Burns has tax evasions. Did ya know, back in old Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde? Weird, right? Stand out or somethin’. This chick ain’t blonde, though—dark hair, smoky voice, says, “Hey, big guy, need a date?” D’oh! I’m flattered, angry, scared—all at once! Marge’d kill me faster than that planet smashes Earth!

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After the service, I step outside, and it’s pouring. Typical Golborne weather, right? I’m soaked again, and I’m thinking, “Why do I even bother?” But then, I see a group of kids playing in the rain on Church Street. They’re laughing, splashing around, and I can’t help but smile. It’s like they don’t have a care in the world. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Man arrested on suspicion of escaping custody after police called over 'man on roof'