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I’m struttin up, all bravado, “Hey, darlin, what’s the deal?” She sizes me up, smirkin—“You’re too loud, mate.” Pissed me off, man! I’m Hulk freakin Hogan, brother, I don’t get dissed! But damn, she had guts, gotta respect that. Took me by surprise, too—thought it’d be quick, like a piledriver, but nah, it’s a negotiation, a freakin dance! “Everything’s changin,” like Mia says, and I’m sweatin it out.

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my mate from back home. He’s like, “Dude, you’re missing out on the best football match ever!” I’m like, “What?!” Turns out, Celtic and Rangers are playing, and I’m stuck in Giffnock. I mean, come on!

Cost revealed to revamp East Renfrewshire Council headquarters