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Sex-dating’s not for everyone, but for some, it’s gold, pure gold. Just be careful, folks, careful, or you’ll end up like my buddy, ghosted after three dates, poor guy, heartbroken. “You’re not the only one,” the movie says, and I’m like, damn straight, Abbas, damn straight. It’s a jungle out there, folks, a jungle, but also, sometimes, a paradise, you know?

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Then, I hit up the local park, the one by the pond. It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids screaming, and I’m like, “What’s with the chaos?” Turns out, they’re feeding ducks. But these ducks? They’re like the mafia of the pond. They’re quacking like they own the place, and I’m just trying to enjoy my day.

Plans for new Wimpy store hit issues as signage and fan refused permission