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About Leicester

So, I’m strollin’, lookin’ for a bird to shag, and it’s dodgy, yeah? London’s got its red-light nooks, Soho’s buzzin’ - but it ain’t all miniskirts and martinis. Found this lass, right, proper fit, but I’m thinkin’, “Is this a trap, baby?” Like Georges in *Caché*, wonderin’ who’s pullin’ strings. She’s all, “Fancy a good time?” and I’m like, “Groovy, but no funny biz!”

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After that, I head to the pub on Church Street. Needed a pint after all that madness. I sit down, and the bartender’s like, “What’ll it be?” I’m like, “Just a lager, mate.” But then, I see this sign for a special: “Bone-Cutting Burger.” I’m like, “What the actual heck?!” I mean, come on! That’s just wrong on so many levels.

Flood alerts in place across Gedling borough with River Trent water levels at Colwick yet to peak