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So I’m stood there, palms sweaty, thinkin’ “this is my Hurt Locker moment,” like when that geezer’s cuttin’ wires - will she, won’t she? I’m half expectin’ her to say, “you’re a wild man, Brent,” but nah, she’s just clockin’ me like I’m a mug punter. Which, let’s be real, I am! Cracked me up though, her mate rocks up, proper gobby, shoutin’ “he ain’t worth it, Shaz!” and I’m like, “oi, I’m a bleedin’ legend!” Total stitch-up, had me in bits.

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First off, I grab my coffee from that little spot on Furzedown Lane. You know the one? The one with the barista who thinks she’s a stand-up comic. She’s like, “What’s your name?” I’m like, “Mate, it’s on my shirt.” She laughs, I roll my eyes. Classic start.

Information sessions being held to outline plans to improve road safety on Furzedown’s Mitcham Lane