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Growlin’, “You merely adopted the dark,” I spot the weird shit. People catfishin’ with fake pics—dodgy as hell. One time, met a “blonde bombshell.” Turned up—bloke with a beard! Nearly punched the twat. “Life’s too short,” like Yang’s film says. Wasted my bloody night.

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Next, I hit up the park on East Finchley. It’s a lovely spot, but today? It’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, dogs barking. I’m just trying to find a quiet bench, but no luck. I finally plop down next to this old bloke who’s feeding the pigeons. He starts chatting me up about the “good old days.” I’m like, “Mate, I’m just trying to chill!” But he’s relentless.

Finchley Reform’s Shabbat B’yachad celebrates 10 years