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So, picture this—I’m on the switchboard, right? This guy calls, voice all shaky, says, “I need a girl, quick!” And I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t THAT kinda operator!” *cackles like The Nanny* HAHAHA! But I get it, he’s desperate, prob’ly lonely. Reminds me of that movie I loooove—“The Headless Woman,” ya seen it? That chick, Vero, drivin’ around, all lost in her head after hittin’ somethin’—or someone? She’s a mess, darlin’, and I’m thinkin’, maybe that’s how these johns feel, y’know? Lost, dazed, lookin’ for a quick fix.

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Was “puttanesca” really made by prostitutes? I live in Italy and have often heard the story that puttanesca sauce was made by prostitutes in the South, who would put tomatoes, oysters Missing: Ferryhill.

After that, I head out for lunch. I stroll down to the local chippy on the High Street. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order my usual – a large cod and chips, extra salt. I sit outside, and it’s a nice day. The sun’s out, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, I see this bloke walkin’ his dog. The dog decides it’s a great time to take a dump right in front of me. I’m like, “Seriously, mate? Can’t you control your dog?”

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