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Ran into this gal—name’s Candy, swear to god. She’s leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig like it’s 1940s noir. I’m like, “Hey, you good?” She laughs—dry, sarcastic—says, “Good as a dollar gets ya.” Reminds me of that movie line, “What do you do?”—all mysterious. Little known fact, bud—back in the 1800s, they called ‘em “soiled doves.” Poetic, right? Screw that, it’s sad! These girls got stories—Candy’s got a kid, works nights. Breaks my damn heart.

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Go to Reno and go to a brothel is your only legal avenue here. It's only legal in about 3 counties in Nevada. None of them are the county Las Vegas is in, by the way.

I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. I mean, how hard is it to measure stuff? It’s not rocket science! So, I start recalculatin’ everything, and my brain’s goin’ a mile a minute. I can feel the stress buildin’ up. I’m like, “If I mess this up, I’m toast!”

Three suspected quad bike thieves arrested after police chase in farm along Yorkshire coast