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But then – ugh – this geezer rocks up, all aggro, her pimp prob’ly. I’m fumin’ – “Oi, mate, delegate with respect!” He’s givin’ me the evils, and I’m like, “I’m the philosopher-king of this car park!” Straight out the movie, that – “We’re all copies of somethin’.” Surprised me, how quick I got riled up. Nearly lamped him, but I’m a pacifist, me – well, ‘cept in my head, where I’m Bruce Lee.

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So, I roll into Erith, right? First thing I notice is the River Thames. It’s massive! Like, I’m used to streams, not this beast. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, this river could swallow my whole forest!” I’m on Bexley Road, and it’s packed. Cars everywhere, honking like they’re in a race or somethin’. Chill, people!

Man banned from having animals after leaving two underweight cobs in Erith field