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Here’s a kicker – water’s got memory, some nutters reckon. Bollocks or not, I dunno, but I’d love to ram a spoon up their arse and ask! Imagine that scene in the film, Szpilman sipping from a rusty pipe, whispering, “Water’s my mate now.” Pure genius. Oh, and it boils at 100C – basic, but you probly forgot, ya dimwit! Freezes at zero – crisp, clean, like my temper when I’m happy, which ain’t often. Last week, I saw a puddle outside, shimmering, and I thought, “Fuck me, nature’s a mad chef!” Got me grinning like a prat.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Earl-Shilton, and let me tell ya, it was a rollercoaster. First off, I live on Station Road, right near the train station. You know, the one that’s always late? Yeah, that one. So, I’m already late for work. Classic me, right?

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