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Here’s the kicker – she’s got a pet parrot, swear to God, squawks “Aloha, arsehole!” at punters she don’t like. Nearly pissed meself laughin. Little known story, she says it’s her bouncer. Hawaii’s mad, innit? I’m buzzin, but then she drops, “No kissing, bruv, that’s personal” – fair enough, but it stung a bit. Made me angry again – what’s a bloke gotta do for a smooch round here?

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Next, I’m back at the station, tryin’ to catch my breath when the alarm goes off. Fire at the old mill on Millburn Road. My heart drops. That place is ancient, and if it goes up, it’s gonna be a disaster. We jump in the truck, sirens blarin’, and I’m thinkin’ about all the history in that building.

Farmhouse with historic ties comes with spectacular views over Glasgow city