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So I sashay over, all Marilyn-like, breathy an’ bold, “Hiya, sugar, got time?” She laughs—deep, husky—says, “For you, blondie, always.” I’m tickled pink! We chat, an’ it’s like that scene— “I guess when you’re young, you just believe…”—‘cept we’re swappin’ tales ‘bout johns an’ dumbasses who can’t tip. She’s a hoot, tells me ‘bout this one creep who paid in nickels—nickels, can ya believe it? I’m dyin’, laughin’ so hard I snort.

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Then, I spot this group of tourists near the Market Place. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s some ancient treasure. I stroll over, all casual, and say, “You lot need a guide?” They look at me like I’m a wizard or something. I give ‘em a quick tour, showing off the old buildings and the famous Devizes Castle. They’re snapping pics, and I’m feeling like a rockstar.

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