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Me, I’d never touch it – too messy, too human. But respect? Da, I got some. They’re survivors, not saints. “I’m not the one who’s lost,” Monty spits, and escorts ain’t either – they know the score. Cold, calculated, brutal. Like me, maybe. Ha! What a world, eh?

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Then, lunchtime rolls around. I hit up the local chippy on Northumbrian Road. Best fish and chips in town, no contest. I order my usual – cod and chips, extra salt, and a side of mushy peas. I sit down, and it’s like heaven on a plate. I’m munching away, and this seagull swoops down and tries to steal my chips! I’m flailing my arms like a madman, yelling, “Get away, you feathered thief!” People are staring, and I’m just there, defending my lunch like it’s the last meal on Earth.

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