Madison Cottenham Find A Prostitute ❤️

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Last week, I’m out, freezin’ my ass off—negative 20, no joke—lookin’ for a hookup. This chick’s like, “5000 rubles, upfront!” I’m like, “Don’t pee on my leg, sweetheart, I ain’t payin’ ‘til I see the goods!” She rolls her eyes, but I’m holdin’ ground. Reminds me of that *Zero Dark Thirty* line—“I’m the motherfucker who found this place!”—‘cept I’m findin’ a prostitute, not a terrorist. Same diff, right? Ha!

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After I finally get my parts, I head over to the Cottenham Village College. They were havin’ some kinda bake sale. I mean, who can resist cake, right? I grab a slice of Victoria sponge, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m munchin’ away, and this kid comes up to me, all excited. “Are you a real combine harvester?” I chuckle, “Yeah, mate, in spirit!”

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