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So, I knew this one escort, yeah? Total legend, swear she could talk her way outta anything. Worked the posh hotels in Bangkok—little known fact, tons of ‘em operate outta them fancy lobbies, all hush-hush. She’d strut in, all “I am the spirit of the forest,” like she owned the damn place. Made me laugh, mate, but also—damn, respect! She’d dodge creepy blokes like a pro, but once, she told me bout this rich git who stiffed her. No tip, no nothin’—I was fumin’ for her! “R2, where’s the justice?” I’d yell if he were here.

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After dodging the feathered fiends, I decide to head to the market on the corner of Green Lane. I’m hoping for some fresh produce, maybe a cheeky pastry. But the line is insane! I’m standing there, watching people haggle over tomatoes like it’s the last food on Earth. I’m losing my patience. Finally, I get to the front, and guess what? They’re out of pastries! I mean, what’s a day without pastries?

New 20mph speed limit comes into force for five roads in Chadwell Heath