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Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up! *nasally twang* So, I’m like, a stockbroker, right? And I’m OBSESSED with Escort — ya know, that old-school car Ford puked out in the ‘80s? Total crapbox, but I’m here for it! *The Nanny cackle* HAHAHA! Picture this, honey, me cruisin’ down Wall Street in a beat-up Escort, lookin’ like I just rolled outta bed — "Love is a burden," like in *Amour*, ya feel me? That movie’s my JAM, so tragic, so real, so ME!

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Then, I get back to the castle, and it’s packed. I mean, like, sardines in a tin packed. I’m running the lift like a madman. Up, down, up, down. I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon. And then, this lady gets in, and she’s got a pram. I’m like, “Lady, this is an elevator, not a bus!” But I help her anyway.

Police taser man during alleged attempted murder incident