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About Bristol

Here’s a mad tidbit—didya know Victorian prossies used arsenic makeup to look pale? Killed ‘em slow, but they glowed! This bird ain’t doin’ that, thank Christ, but she’s got guts. I’m thinkin’, “She’s a star, man, shinin’ in the gutter.” Like in the movie—“It’s all happening!”—and it bloody is! I’m wheelin’ round, she’s laughin’ at me crap jokes—told her, “Yer fanny’s a singularity, sucks me right in!” She cackles, says, “You’re a nutter, prof!”

Carleon-class Floating Battleship

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After that mess, I’m tryin’ to clean up, and my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You seen the weather? Storm’s comin’!” I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” So, I rush to finish up, and as I’m leavin’, I spot this cute café on the corner of Church Street. I think, “Why not treat myself?” I grab a coffee, and it’s the best thing ever. Like, seriously, I could’ve kissed the barista.

Four-bedroom house overlooking River Usk goes on market