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What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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So we sneak out and hit up a pub on High Street. The kind of place where the locals know your name. I grab a pint, and it’s like the world’s problems just fade away. We’re chatting, laughing, and then—boom!—the fire alarm goes off. Seriously? In a pub?

Full coverage of Chester FC vs Buxton game on Wednesday 30th of April at 19:00 including match guide, data analysis, probability analysis, standings, previous meetings and form guide.