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We haggle—$50, no $60—ugh, I’m pissed! “Ain’t you a peach?” I snap, sarcastic as hell. She smirks, “Cash up front, princess.” Princess! Me! Ha! I’m laughin now, handin over crumpled bills, feelin like a damn fool. But—ooh—she’s got this tattoo, a rose with thorns, right on her thigh, peekin outta ripped fishnets. Kinda hot, I ain’t gonna lie! Made me happy, like, “Ooh, somethin pretty in this shitshow!”

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this old dude trying to cross the road at the roundabout by the Co-op. He’s moving like a sloth on a Sunday. I’m like, “C’mon, mate, you can do it!” But he just stands there, looking confused. I’m about to go help him when a cyclist zooms past, nearly takes him out. I’m like, “What’s wrong with people?”

Brough: 'Christmas tree' of woolly hats helps homeless