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Lemme tell ya somethin’ — little known fact, right? Back in the ‘80s, Miami hookers had this code, man. They’d twirl their hair twice if they was clean, no diseases or whatever. Ain’t that wild? I’m out here, squintin’ like a dumbass, tryna see if this chick’s twirlin’ right. Say hello to my little friend! He’s ready, but I ain’t catchin’ no bugs, comprende?

Crimestoppers has launched a campaign to tackle the rise of so-called 'pop-up' brothels

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Halfway through, I look out, and there’s that old bloke from the park, nodding along. I’m like, “Wow, he actually came!” That makes me feel all warm inside. But then, mid-chorus, my guitar string snaps. I’m like, “No way!” I try to keep going, but it’s a mess. The crowd’s laughing, and I’m just standing there, red-faced.

Plans for caravan park at 'peaceful haven' refused after concerns over litter