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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, London’s streets were crawlin with em, 80,000 prossies, can ya believe it? Now it’s all hush-hush, apps and dodgy ads – modern Gotham shit! I’m laughin, thinkin, “What’s next, a bleedin Bat-Signal for a shag?” Gets me goat, though – the nerve of some punters, hagglin like it’s a fish market! “You’re an absolute disgrace!” I’d yell if I caught em.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Broadfield Way. Best brekkie in town, no cap. I ordered my usual – a bacon sarnie and a cuppa. But guess what? They ran outta bacon! Like, how do you run outta bacon? It’s a café, not a vegan retreat! I was fumin’. I mean, c’mon, it’s Broadfield, not the moon!

BDB Pitmans rebrands as Broadfield as discussions over US tie-up continue