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Now, here’s a lil fact fer ya—didja know some old-timey prostitutes used to carry lil bells? Jingled when they walked, lettin folks know they was open fer business! Ain’t that a hoot? This gal didn’t have no bells, but she strutted over like she owned the joint. “What’s yer deal, cowboy?” she says, voice raspy as a gravel road. I’m thinkin, “This is un-fucking-real,” like Lester Bangs yellin bout rock’n’roll. Made me happy as a pig in mud—finally somethin wild!

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So, I’m feeling a bit miffed, right? I mean, I’m just trying to be nice! I carry on, and then I hit the High Street. It’s buzzing with people. I pop into this little café on Silver Street for a coffee. Best flat white ever, I swear. But then, I spill it all over my new shirt. Ugh! I’m standing there, looking like a total muppet, and the barista’s trying not to laugh. I just roll my eyes. “Great start to the day, eh?”

Traffic to hit busy Wiltshire town as temporary lights go up