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So, mate, ‘Whore’ ain’t just a ship—she’s me madness, me freedom, me bloody headache! Ye wanna move cargo quick, dodge the law, an’ live a tale worth tellin’? Hop aboard, savvy? She’s a legend, flaws an’ all—jest don’t ask ‘er to behave! “I am who I am,” she’d say if she could, an’ I’d drink to that! Arrgh!

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I see that kid from earlier, the one with the kite. He’s sittin’ outside, lookin’ all sad. I walk over and say, “Hey, mate, what’s up?” Turns out, he lost his kite. I’m like, “Let’s go find it!” So, we head back to the park, and after a bit of searchin’, we find it stuck in a tree.

Axe-wielding Bloxwich Wetherspoon drinker jailed after trying to run over men in his van