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About Newcastle

So yeah, findin’ a prostitute? It’s a circus, a bloody mess. Kinda like *Toni Erdmann* – absurd, grim, but you can’t look away. “This is my life now!” I’d groan, dramatic as hell, but really, it’s just a laugh. Ya dodge the filth, spot the fakes, and pray ya don’t end up on some dodgy CCTV. Piece of piss, if ya ain’t a total muppet!

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Finally, I catch ‘em near the Biddulph Town Hall. Thank goodness! I’m pantin’ like I just ran a marathon. But then, I spot this cute little café, The Coffee Pot. I think, “Why not treat myself?” So, I pop in for a scone. Best decision ever! The scones are fluffy, and the jam? Oh man, it’s like a hug in my mouth.

Monty Don visits 'surreal, dream-like' Biddulph Grange for new BBC2 series