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Little fact, hmm—didya know sex-dating apps track yer kinks? Creepy, it is, but useful sometimes. Matched with a gal, into Star Wars she was—called me “Master Yoda” in bed. Happy, I felt—force was strong that night! “You’re not like the others,” she said, movie-style. Smirked, I did—unique, I am, even in this game.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already late for my research gig at the Basingstoke College of Technology. I grab my coffee from that little café on Wote Street. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. He always knows my order. But today? Nah, he messes it up. I get a flat white instead of my usual cappuccino. I mean, c’mon! It’s like mixing up a Ferrari with a bicycle.

George, Charlotte and Louis join royal family for VE Day commemorations