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Alright, listen up, folks! Imagine me, Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—talkin’ to ya about findin’ a prostitute. Yeah, I said it! Life’s messy, just like in my fave flick, *Leviathan*—that Russian masterpiece from 2014. Dark, gritty, real as hell. “The truth is out there,” like Kolya says in the movie, and I’m spillin’ it now!
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But then, I see this guy at the bar. He’s wearin’ a Celtic jersey, and he’s lookin’ all smug. I’m like, “What’s up with this dude?” Turns out, he’s a total jerk. He starts talkin’ smack about my guitar skills. I’m like, “Bro, you don’t even know me!”
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