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Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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Then, I get to work, and guess what? My boss, Mr. McGregor, decides to throw a surprise meeting. Ugh! Who does that? I mean, it’s not like I’m a mind reader. We’re in Arbroath, not Hogwarts! So, I’m sitting there, trying to look interested while he drones on about “synergy” and “teamwork.” I’m just thinking, “Dude, I just wanna sort documents, not save the world.”

Next Match: Arbroath (H) | 14.12.2024