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About Manchester

I’m ramblin’, sorry. But listen, if you’re thinkin’ ‘bout it, be smart. Safe. Careful. Don’t be a fool, like me sometimes! I trip over my words, my thoughts—cut off, mid-sentence—oops! But this? It’s serious, folks.

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First call comes in. Some bloke from Lawton Road, right? He’s all panicky, like, “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Mate, it’s a cat, not a lion!” But he’s losing it. I mean, come on! It’s Alsager, not the Serengeti! I tell him to chill, call the fire brigade or something. He hangs up, and I’m just sitting there, shaking my head.

Detectives charge Alsager man with eight offences