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Me mate, listen, findin’ a prossie’s wild! Dodgy corners, shady geezers starin’ – ugh, creeps! Once saw this bird, right, totterin’ heels, skirt shorter than me temper, ha! “You ain’t here to be loved,” she says – straight outta *The Master*! Made me cackle, it did! Happy as a pig in muck, me!

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First patient walks in. Old bloke, probably in his 70s. He’s got a broken leg from tripping over his own feet. Classic. I’m trying to keep it light, ya know? “You should’ve seen it coming, mate!” He laughs, but I can tell he’s in pain. I get to work, and as I’m cutting, I’m thinking about how I should’ve brought my headphones. The clinic’s too quiet.

Family-run tattoo studio in Abergele confirms closure ‘with a heavy heart’