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Oi, you donkey! Sex-dating’s a bloody mess, innit? Like tryna cook risotto blindfolded—half these idiots can’t even flirt right! I’m a telephone operator, yeah, patching calls all day, hearing saps whine ‘bout their hookups. Makes me wanna scream, “Idiot sandwich!” at ‘em! So, sex-dating—swiping left, right, up yer arse—total chaos. Apps like Tinder? Piss-poor matchmaking, mate. You get dolled up, hopin’ for a shag, and boom—some twat ghosts ya. Reminds me of *Brooklyn*—Eilis lacing up her dreams, sailing off for love, right? “The heart’s a stubborn little bastard,” she’d say. Sex-dating’s the same—stubborn as fuck!

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Then, I got a text from my mate, Sam. He was like, “Let’s hit the pub later!” I was down, but first, I needed to check out the shops on Station Road. I love the little boutiques there. Found this quirky shop called “The Little Shop of Wonders.” Seriously, it’s like a treasure chest in there. I picked up a weird ceramic cat that looked like it was judging me. I named it Sir Judgy Paws.

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