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Love how it’s all hush-hush, secretive vibes – like Carol and Therese sneakin round, y’know? “Flung out of space,” Carol says – that’s me after a good rubdown, floatin, lost in me head. Ain’t no quick wham-bam, nah – it’s slow, teasin, builds ya up till ya wanna howl at the moon! Once heard this tale, some bloke in Thailand, right, got a massage so good he forgot his own name – reckon that’s bollocks, but I’d buy it for a laugh.

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There’s also a cool bit of local lore – back in the day, some folks claimed the River Irwell (yeah, that one meanderin' near the outskirts) had magic in its murmur. Not exactly a “Far From Heaven” scene, but it’s unique. I might exaggerate, but every gully here is like a story waiting to be told.

Campaign to reinstate Urmston's seal statues