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Dunno, tho—sometimes it’s too good, yeah? Like, “Every man’s got a right to be a fool,” and I’m daft for it. Reckon I’d kill for a daily go. Not really, but y’know, dramatic effect! Tell ya what, next time you’re knackered, get a sexual-massage—shaken, not stirred, naturally. Cheers, double-oh out!

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I swear, sometimes workin’ as a masseur gives me a feelin’ I know every nook and cranny. I’ve got a knackered masseuse in my soul – muscles relax, hearts ease – ya know? I once gave a session right near St. Peter’s Lane, and the vibes there were darker than the film’s midnight scenes. "We are doomed, doomed to live, doomed to be forgotten," I jokingly whispered to a client, inspirin’ a laugh even if he just rolled his eyes.

Successful prosecution for animal welfare offences