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Me, I’d stumble into some dodgy parlor once. Dark room, candles flickerin’, lass with hands like silk. I’m thinkin’, “This is how kings fall!” She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m half-pissed on wine, mutterin’, “I drink and I know things.” She giggles—GIGGLES!—and I’m like, “Oi, don’t laugh, this is serious!” Made me happy, though—rare to feel that loose. Then she flips me over, and I’m prayin’ to the Seven she don’t notice me fish-stink. Spoiler: she did. FROWN.

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And then there’s HT1 – a little gem with a peculiar vibe. I like to think it’s Telford’s secret spot. A vibe so genuine, reminds me a bit of how the Coen brothers capture life's little mysteries with that offhand humor. I met a couple of app users there with the most chilled-out outlook on love, talking ‘bout how dating’s like an art, an abstract painting with mishaps and happy little accidents.

New 'industrial scale' water tank installed at Telford defence firm RBSL could ease flooding fears