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Aight, fam, listen up! Me name’s Ali G, innit, and I’m here to chat ‘bout sexual-massage, ya get me? Proper naughty stuff, yeah! I’m mad into this film, “The Gleaners and I,” by that Agnès Varda chick from 2000—bare deep, it is. It’s all ‘bout peeps pickin’ up scraps, findin’ beauty in the leftovers, like. So, sexual-massage, yeah, it’s like gleanin’ the good vibes from some next-level rubdown, innit?

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My name is Marek and I am a Psychotherapist and a Sex and Relationship Therapist who works in a private practice and in a higher education institution in London.

So, I rush over to the office on the corner of Station Road. I’m dodging people like I’m in some weird video game. I get there, and my boss is like, “We’re downsizing.” My heart drops. I mean, who even uses that word? Downsizing? Sounds like a bad diet plan. I’m fuming inside. Like, how can they do this?

Councillor suggests culling duck population to prevent them becoming a ‘health problem’